Studying, Living, And Back To Work – WORST LIFE COACH

I’ve been studying really hard for my coaching certification exam. I am already a life coach but this specific certificate will set me above the rest. I study super late, usually between 12am and 3am. My girlfriend has to go to bed my herself until after my exam. Poor thing. I am super tired and it’s 12 minutes until 3am. I’m going to start getting ready for bed. Life has been good. I need to be less f***ing moody. I think it’s been tough because ever since I started studying it has taken a good amount of my attention. Me and my girlfriend aren’t used to me having something ELSE to do. I have enough things that keep me busy normally. I’m back to my coaching office tomorrow. It’s a lighter week which is great because it will give me time to study. And, a lighter week is still 20 coaching clients. I’m happy with it. Let the conistry continue.

-WORST LIFE COACH

You Know You’re Yelling At Me Right? – WORST LIFE COACH

Ok, Hi. I have this one coaching client who talks to me … ok wait, this will sound weird… she talks to me as if she is talking to someone else. What I mean is… for example, say she is telling me a story about what she said to her grandma but she will actually say it to me as if I am her grandma. OK…. HERE IS THE TWIST. She will say the words she is THINKING in her head, not the actual words she says in real life. Does that even make sense? Basically, she will sit there and say this to me as if I am her grandma… “WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU??? HOW THE H*LL AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHERE YOUR F***ING JACKET IS!?!??”

Ok… pause for a minute. Imagine sitting through a whole hour of her basically talking sh*t to me but doing it in a way that tells me the story of her experience with the people in her life. WHAT THE F***. WHO TALKS LIKE THAT? I finish the coaching session feeling like I just got my a$$ kicked. “WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU!? DON’T YOU KNOW HOW TO F***ING DRIVE MOTHERF***ER!!!?!?”… “THAT’S WHAT I WANT TO SAY TO MY DAD,” she says.

Jeezus.

-WORST LIFE COACH

25 Things I Learned About Turning 25 – WORST LIFE COACH

First of all, I’m not 25. I’m not even 27. I am not telling my real age because I don’t know you like that. I came across this blog post by a Dr. on WordPress who did a post called “33 Things I Learned About Turning 33.” He said it was basically a free flow of whatever came out. He said some really positive $hit. Like… unconditional positive regard is a great thing to have if you can achieve it or something. He also said some things like, “Living an honest and ethical life is much better than living a dishonest and egotistical life. Well f***. I’m doing this wrong then. He also said that it’s better to try not to control what you can’t change. It was some good $hit that he said if I’m honest. So, I thought I would give it a go.

Ok so this is just a free flow of a birthday that I had last month about turning 25 (again I’m not 25). I’m curious if I will be able to say some positive and inspiring $hit like that guy did. Ok here goes.

  1. Well shit, I feel like I pulled my back. Am I getting old? What the f*ck. I think I learned I’m getting old.
  2. G*d d*mn I learned that I make really stupid choices like trying to list 25 f***ing things that I learned in my life.
  3. I learned that people are gullible as f*** and moving to an area where people have more money than sense is great for my bank account.
  4. I learned that I still get bored and distracted and will take 15 minutes before answering the next question.
  5. I learned that I don’t have much patience for this.
  6. I learned that this was a really bad f***ing idea.
  7. I learned that making people cry during a coaching session basically makes someone my b**** for life because they trusted my creepy a$$.
  8. I learned that the best way to con someone is to lie to them while also telling them the truth.
  9. I learned that I’m a mof***in con artist and I love it.
  10. I learned to keep my a$$ anonymous because otherwise I’m f****ed brother.
  11. I learned that people love the truth in private but pretend the truth is offensive if in public just to fit in. Pu$$y a$$holes.
  12. I learned that if you email Amazon to tell them your order is defective and it costs less than $50 they will send you a free replacement and then you get two for your purchase. Don’t try it for something that costs $100. They’ll make you send your item back and it’s a pain in the a$$ because that $hit still worked.
  13. I learned that the coolest thing in the world is to have a girlfriend who only works for you. It’s awesome.
  14. I learned that what my girlfriend needs most is quality time with me and anything you can buy from Amazon.
  15. I learned to never play rock, paper, scissors with my girlfriend because I always lose.
  16. I learned not to get pi$$ed off at myself for always forgetting something when I leave the house. That’s just how I roll.
  17. OH! I learned that I like video games again. I started playing again! I haven’t played in years but I gifted myself a PS4 and have been running that b*tch. Love it.
  18. I learned that telling my coaching clients that I am super busy makes them want to work with me more.
  19. I learned that I still have a hard time finishing things I start.
  20. F*** this.

-WORST LIFE COACH

How Do I Tell My Coaching Client She’s Ugly? – WORST LIFE COACH

Bruh… welcome back. Today I sat in a coaching session in front of my client who told me she wasn’t sure what to do about her insecurities. She feels insecure about her looks but between you and me… she’s really f***ing ugly. I literally didn’t know what to say. Do I lie to her? Do I tell her that her insecurities about her looks aren’t true? I literally couldn’t. I spaced out. I froze. I ducked, dodged and weaved around the subject. The whole time I was thinking… dang lady… you ugly… like, you’re so ugly. I know, I’m an a$$hole. But I swear if you saw her you would agree. I think I told her some bs about how she shouldn’t feel insecure and that it’s just her perception. I told her that her insecurities are not based on reality but the fault of social media. When in doubt… blame Instagram. She rebooked so it’s still a win.

-WORST LIFE COACH

I Appreciate My Secret Readers

Let’s face it… my content might be a bit… much. Not so bad, but you know… not so politically correct at times. I also probably come across crazy at times too. I’m ok with it. I’m not the only one. I just want you to know that I do appreciate the secret views. I don’t care much about stats but I do see them. I see a lot of views and not so much interaction. That’s cool. I wouldn’t “like” what I write either. But, I would probably sneak in a few reads from some wacky a$$ unstable life coach. Just like you’re doing right now. For those of you who do like or comment on my content, give yourselves a hand. You really don’t give a f**** about what people think. You’re not afraid to be seen with me. Well done. You are winning at life. I mean it.

-WORST LIFE COACH

Let The Studying BEGIN – WORST LIFE COACH

I just signed up to take my Coaching Certificate Exam. This basically means if I pass this exam I get a certificate that says I’m a bada$$ boss mothaf***ing life coach. It will be great for business. I’ve never been a great test taker but I won’t say I’m a bad one. So tonight marks the first night that I am officially starting to study for my test. I’mma kill this thing. I just have to actually study instead of play video games.

-WORST LIFE COACH

I Feel Like Closing My Coaching Biz – WORST LIFE COACH

Yea. I average 20-25 hours a week and made *** last year… **k short of my goal. That’s more money than I have ever made in my life and I basically work part time. I do get tired of the people though. Well, it’s not the people… I just miss spending time with my girlfriend. It’s hard on her too. We could sell our house and downgrade into a camper and live for a long time without doing much. That sounds cool but then having a house and living how we do is cool too. At least to me it is. I love my life with her. It sucks to be away. I’ve been doing LONG A$$ coaching days. Again, the money is great but some days I think about closing up my business. I don’t know what I would do instead. I have a pretty lucrative thing going. Hmm… I need to hire some coaches to work for me. But that will be a while. I don’t know what the solution is. I feel like I should be grateful but then I feel like I just want to do nothing and hang out with my girlfriend. Can’t have my cake and eat it too? Well $hit.

-WORST LIFE COACH

JESUS/GOD BLOGGERS ARE JUST LAZY – WORST LIFE COACH

I have been wanting to write this post for a while now. But I haven’t because it’s not that important to me. I think that people who write blogs only or even mostly about God and Jesus are just lazy f*cking a$$holes. What topic is easier to write about than your faith and the Bible? Trust me, I am not some atheist d*ckhead, I am just a person who recognizes a lack of creativity when I see it. Anyone can quote a Bible verse and talk sh*t about how someone else is not doing this or that. I see these folks on YouTube and Periscope too. Let me PREACH to you! Let me pray for you! Let me tell you God’s message! Yes, I get it… it’s part of the religion to do that. But seriously, couldn’t it just be that you are just some egotistical pr*ck who isn’t creative enough to say something more creative than “Believe in the most HIGH.” Again, it’s important I point out that I am not anti-religion, anti-God, anti-anything. All I am saying is that if all you blog about is God stuff, Bible verses etc… you’re just being lazy. Anyone can f***ing do that. Be more creative people.

PS I know this post is a bit much to give a “like” or “comment.” Stay PC people. Just know that I know you might agree.

If this post is about you – I guess you’re going to unfollow me now. But, I hope you take this as an opportunity to take a look at yourself. Cheers

-WORST LIFE COACH

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