Whiney F***ING OLD LADIES ON WORDPRESS – WORST LIFE COACH

Yo. I started actually looking at other people’s blogs here on WordPress. I have to say, it looks like the average WordPress blogger is some old f***ing lady who’s all about writing about her woes. Stop complaining you f****ing hags. It’s like you’re doing it for attention. I get it, you’re lonely and will probably die soon. And, your family has probably died already or your kids and grandkids want nothing to do with you because your a f***ing negative c*nt. But holy f*** why you gotta spread that negative bull $hit everywhere? Keep it to yo-self.

-WORST LIFE COACH

An Honest Reflection About BRAIN WASHING -WORST LIFE COACH

I am convincing one of my coaching clients to stay in a job that she hates. Why you ask? Because if she quits then she won’t be able to afford to still see me. I know this sounds pretty bad but the reality is… I need her to keep seeing me so I can afford nice things. I just booked a trip for 12 nights in Las Vegas next month. Should I feel bad about this? Maybe… probably. But I don’t. I can’t. I would feel even worse if I couldn’t afford a nice vacation so… there it is. Today was a good day.

I saw 7 coaching clients today and each one went very well. It’s interesting because when I am working with these people I am always thinking… “What can I say to make sure they come back to see me next week?” It’s the nature of the business I guess. It’s like brainwashing in a way. I don’t think many Life Coaches will be this honest. I guess that is the beauty of being anonymous. I can be honest.

At my coaching office, I try to make EVERYTHING as routine as possible – from the method of payment, to the parking, to the temperature in the room. I find that the less unpredictable variables there are the more likely I can create a routine for these people. I think I should stop writing at this point. I am feeling kind of creepy being so honest.

-WORST LIFE COACH

I Am Actually Reading A Book -WORST LIFE COACH

My therapist recommended that I read a book called “A Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl. I don’t read… ever. But, I found the book online in a PDF version and I started reading it today. I was glued to it! I read about 35 pages which is more than I have read probably in the last year. It’s definitely the furthest I have gotten in any book probably in my life. I don’t like to read. Anyhow, in this book I am reading about how Viktor Frankl basically lived through the Nazi concentration camp. That’s so f***ed up what the Germans did.

My takeaway so far from the 35 pages or so that I have read is that I am really really lucky to be where I am in life. Of course, there is more that I want to achieve and more that I want to conquer. But wow… at least I am not going through what Mr. Frankl went through. I really have no place to complain about my life even though my therapist would probably say I still need to validate my feelings. My girlfriend would say shut the f*** up and stop being a b****. I think both viewpoints are valid – especially for someone like me.

In other news, I went to the doctor today to do blood work. They are checking me over in case I have any need to be concerned about my health because of my Dad’s recent diagnosis. So far the results I received say that I am healthy as an ox – knock on wood. I have 7 coaching clients tomorrow but I don’t start until about 2pm. I have the best schedule. I am thankful for my life. I need to stop focusing on the negative and be appreciative for what I have. So far, the book I am reading is helping me do just that.

-WORST LIFE COACH

I Was Diagnosed ADHD But I Think I’m Autistic -WORST LIFE COACH

When I was a kid, I was diagnosed with ADD – Attention Deficit Disorder WITHOUT the hyper part. Now a days I don’t think ADD is even used as a diagnosis. I think they pretty much diagnose everyone with ADHD. Anyhow, the doctors and my parents started giving me drugs. A lot of them. Why? I think it was because I was a f***ing a$$hole and they would give me pretty much anything if it would help me act better. And, legally if the drugs killed me it wouldn’t be my parent’s fault. Well, I survived the drugs. But, it wasn’t great to be diagnosed as ADD. Why you ask? Because, it’s the kind of diagnosis that if you tell someone they will say to you…. “Yeah, that diagnosis is bull sh*t and everyone has that. You’re just lazy.” Well sh*t…

Then why the f*** am I taking over 100mg of some medication that is pretty much a time released nugget of cocaine and you’re not? It’s just not cool in general to tell someone you are diagnosed with something no matter what it is. And then, it’s even more not cool when they basically tell you to f*** off and that you’re just a lazy piece of sh*t. My doctor told me that I don’t have as many neurons that fire or something. He said something about receptors too I think. I just remember that his couch was comfortable. It was black and made of leather. He also was really into road cycling. Ok, so back to my point. People like to say that ADD and ADHD are not real. You know why I think it’s real? Because I will always pay more in health insurance because I have the diagnosis. So it’s at least real to my bank account.

Let’s get back to the reason why I started this post. My girlfriend and I seem to think that maybe I am autistic rather than ADD. But, I have a feeling when I read this post back I will probably feel like I am both.

-WORST LIFE COACH

My Girlfriend Makes Me Crazy -WORST LIFE COACH

My girlfriend bugs the sh*t out of me but I love her more than I love myself. Here’s what bugs me the most lately. She often will start conversations with me from the other room. For example, she will start talking to me about who knows what… and I will have to yell to her and say… “HONEY! I CAN’T HEAR YOU!” She does this so often that I finally had to set a new rule in the house. The new rule is that she isn’t allowed to do that sh*t anymore because it makes me crazy.

I’ve had somewhat of a writer’s block since that one lady came by and attacked me for what I write about. I’ve gotten some pretty nice feedback from others on here basically reinforcing the idea of “F*** that lady.” I’ve written a few posts that I haven’t published mainly because they were a bit offensive more so than the norm. My girlfriend thinks that writing on here is healthy for me. I think it is too but I don’t like to force what I write about. I have a steady weeks of clients this week so I’m sure I will have something to write about. For now, this is all I have.

-WORST LIFE COACH

My PLUMBER Might Get F***ED UP -WORST LIFE COACH

A month ago I had a plumber come by to fix a leaky faucet in my bathtub. I put off having this repaired because of my self-diagnosed autism. I got into the habit of filling a bucket from the dripping water and then dumping it out on the lawn. My self-diagnosed autism even spilled out onto my girlfriend. She got into the habit of doing the same thing. This went on for about 5 months. Seriously. Then finally, we both had enough and I found a plumber on Yelp who would fix it for $95. He came, fixed it and left. He was a nice guy. I even gave him a Gatorade. When he left, he told me I had a 30 day warranty. I was so happy that he was able to fix it that I didn’t think much of it. I figured it wouldn’t be a problem.

Well, yesterday it started leaking again m****rf*****r. So my girlfriend and I thought of 100 different ways of how we were going to f*** him up on Yelp if he didn’t come back and fix it for free. I’ll say it this way… we got a bit GANGSTER. Even though we are out of the warranty period by about 2 weeks… we figured that we had him by the b*lls because he’s on Yelp. Yelp is the WORST idea for business owners. You can get messed up by some crazy lunatic such as myself. So after texting him, he replied right away. It’s the weekend so I was fine being patient. But man, I was definitely thinking about him a lot. It pretty much consumed my thinking and my girlfriend’s too. We were ready for a fight.

He texted back tonight and said that he would honor the warranty even though I was over the warranty by about two weeks. I feel better. It will really depend on what he tells me when he gets here. I still might f*** him up on Yelp. If he comes here and tells me that something else is really wrong and will cost me hundreds to fix… he’s f***ed. If he comes and says it was a faulty washer and that it can be fixed easily… he will be spared. The choice is yours m****rf*****r.

-WORST LIFE COACH

My Girlfriend Isn’t Happy With Me -WORST LIFE COACH

It’s ok. She just needs some space from me. I can get super negative sometimes. I ALMOST have a hold of my anger but not entirely. Sometimes I get snappy and it hurts her feelings. I try to be as tender with her as I can because she means the world to me. Sometimes I’m not so tender. I guess we are all just trying to figure things out. If I am honest, she is what keeps me together with pretty much everything. My work ethic is poor but I am really good with people apparently. Sometimes I wonder why my clients come back to see me but my girlfriend reminds me to shut the f*** up and don’t jinx it. She’s probably right.

My girlfriend is a big believer in energy. If you give off the right energy then good things will come to you. I never really believed that stuff until I met her. She pretty much flipped my world upside down and turned me into this winner dude. It’s weird to say that because I am NOT a winner dude. I just play the part based on the “image” that she created for me as a Life Coach. I guess life comes down to how you market yourself. Anyway, the point of what I am saying is that at my core I am actually lazy AF. I go back and forth between thinking I am awesome and then hating and wanting to destroy myself. Maybe that’s a bit dramatic but it feels like that sometimes.

My girlfriend just needs a break from my energy. I am a lot to deal with. I can be needy, negative and unhappy. What a bad mix! But, other days I can have great energy. She’s not with me because of my dark side. That’s a side of me I sure wish I could get rid of. I’ve been trying to listen to upbeat sort of Hawaiian style music. It kind of works. Holy f****. I have 9 clients tomorrow. I guess I better do as my girlfriend says and snap the f*** out of it. I am going to try but no promises.

-WORST LIFE COACH

TOO MANY LIFE COACHES ON WORDPRESS -WORST LIFE COACH

Finally my week is over. I worked with 32 clients this week. Holy $hit. I’m so tired. I had a blast and made some good cashola. I keep coming across people on WordPress who are advertising life coaching services. I mentioned this in a different post but I feel like talking about it again. The reality is that these people who are trying to start life coaching businesses on WordPress will not succeed. I would bet my house on it. Here’s why. All of them look like losers. To be a successful Life Coach you have to be a winner. You have to have a certain look. You have to know certain people.

You have to have a lot of luck. And lastly, you have to be a CON ARTIST… a good one. I look through these blogs written by Life Coaches and I can tell right away… these are nice people. Nice people can’t help you. They don’t know how to break the rules and get ahead in the creepiest ways. They only know how to play by the rules. I never play by the rules. I teach my clients how to NOT play by the rules and that is how they get ahead.

Anyway, these life coaches on WordPress will slowly dwindle away because they will not succeed on here. But, let’s watch them try. Let’s watch them spend their precious time trying to convince you that they can TRANSFORM your life. Really? But you have 25 followers on WordPress and even worse… you’re trying to get clients on f***ing WordPress.

-WORST LIFE COACH

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