I Am In Love People – WORST LIFE COACH

Seriously. I’m in love. I love my girlfriend in a way that feels very profound. I know that there are a lot of other dumbasses out there blogging this exact post. Well guess what b*tches… it’s not the same. Ok, that came across maybe too harsh. There is a lot of love out there I am sure. Think of that old couple in the Notebook. What a f***ed up movie. We all remember the Notebook as some sweet love story. No, that was a really f***ed up and sad movie. The writers were like, let’s see how much we can make people sad… as sad as possible. Anyway, I love my girlfriend. The point of this post is that I need to get more serious about my GERD. That’s right folks, I have G E R D… ACID REFLUX… I think. What it does is it makes my throat always phlegmy. This isn’t good for work and isn’t good for my throat. My GERD acted up a lot today. I had a lot of salsa from El Pollo Loco. That place is the best. But I ate like 6 containers of their salsa and that is not GERD friendly. I need to take better care of myself. Maybe I need to stop using POT. That’s a tough one. It isn’t great for GERD either.

-WORST LIFE COACH

F*** YOU DUMBA$$ CLIENT F***ING C***T – WORST LIFE COACH

One of my clients decided to stop working with me after 4 or 5 sessions. Why you ask? Because he’s a f***ing loser. He came to me completely doubting his ability to be anything but a loser. I kept working with him on it and every time I saw him he had this defeated p***ka$$ weak AF demeanor. It was almost like he was trying to say F*** YOU to me by continuing to be such a loser. Why won’t he ever become anything more than a stress ball of horse $hit? Because he’s feeding off the fact that he’s a loser and no one can help him. It’s almost like he wants to make other people (coaches) feel bad about themselves because they can’t help him when it’s really him who is doing this passive aggressive bull $hit to stay f***ed up. Good luck with that dude. You’re a peace of $hit and any coach that works with you in the future better also be a f***ing loser. It’s almost like you were repulsed by me because I’m actually a winner. F*** YOU TARDO. Keep sitting at the loser kids table. You’re not welcome over here.

-WORST LIFE COACH

Studying, Living, And Back To Work – WORST LIFE COACH

I’ve been studying really hard for my coaching certification exam. I am already a life coach but this specific certificate will set me above the rest. I study super late, usually between 12am and 3am. My girlfriend has to go to bed my herself until after my exam. Poor thing. I am super tired and it’s 12 minutes until 3am. I’m going to start getting ready for bed. Life has been good. I need to be less f***ing moody. I think it’s been tough because ever since I started studying it has taken a good amount of my attention. Me and my girlfriend aren’t used to me having something ELSE to do. I have enough things that keep me busy normally. I’m back to my coaching office tomorrow. It’s a lighter week which is great because it will give me time to study. And, a lighter week is still 20 coaching clients. I’m happy with it. Let the conistry continue.

-WORST LIFE COACH

Whiney F***ING OLD LADIES ON WORDPRESS – WORST LIFE COACH

Yo. I started actually looking at other people’s blogs here on WordPress. I have to say, it looks like the average WordPress blogger is some old f***ing lady who’s all about writing about her woes. Stop complaining you f****ing hags. It’s like you’re doing it for attention. I get it, you’re lonely and will probably die soon. And, your family has probably died already or your kids and grandkids want nothing to do with you because your a f***ing negative c*nt. But holy f*** why you gotta spread that negative bull $hit everywhere? Keep it to yo-self.

-WORST LIFE COACH

You Know You’re Yelling At Me Right? – WORST LIFE COACH

Ok, Hi. I have this one coaching client who talks to me … ok wait, this will sound weird… she talks to me as if she is talking to someone else. What I mean is… for example, say she is telling me a story about what she said to her grandma but she will actually say it to me as if I am her grandma. OK…. HERE IS THE TWIST. She will say the words she is THINKING in her head, not the actual words she says in real life. Does that even make sense? Basically, she will sit there and say this to me as if I am her grandma… “WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU??? HOW THE H*LL AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHERE YOUR F***ING JACKET IS!?!??”

Ok… pause for a minute. Imagine sitting through a whole hour of her basically talking sh*t to me but doing it in a way that tells me the story of her experience with the people in her life. WHAT THE F***. WHO TALKS LIKE THAT? I finish the coaching session feeling like I just got my a$$ kicked. “WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU!? DON’T YOU KNOW HOW TO F***ING DRIVE MOTHERF***ER!!!?!?”… “THAT’S WHAT I WANT TO SAY TO MY DAD,” she says.

Jeezus.

-WORST LIFE COACH

Should I Lower My Fee For My Coaching Client? – WORST LIFE COACH

I have a client who I was working with for a few months. She got to the point where she flat out couldn’t afford me. I don’t blame her. My coaching fee is a bit high because the demand is high. And, I don’t like to work much so if I’m going to work then I’m going to make it worth it. Anyway, several weeks ago she had to stop working with me. For the past few days I have been thinking about this client. I don’t think she’s better off out there against the world by herself. I know this isn’t really for me to decide. I guess a part of me feels like a parent to my coaching clients. I guess a part of me actually cares about my coaching clients. Surprise surprise… hmm. Usually I write about how it’s just the money that I do it for. Sometimes I think it’s more than that. Anyway, I’ve been thinking about reducing her fee by like… I’m terrible at math but I think it’s 35%. Let me check my calculator… $hit… I don’t even know math well enough to know wtf to put in the calculator to figure it out. Anyway… The pros of lessening her fee is that I still get paid something versus nothing if she doesn’t come at all. Another pro is that she is really easy to work with. Low drama. The only con is that I’m discounting my time. I don’t know what I’ll do. I need to consult with my girlfriend about it. Either way, if I offer her a reduced rate there is no guarantee that she can afford it or would want to do it anyway.

***UPDATE BELOW***

Yeah, so I asked my girlfriend. She said no way. She said, “It makes you look desperate,” “Your not f***ing desperate,” and… “She’s not special… BIZNATCH.” My girlfriend is so honest. So that’s not happening.

-WORST LIFE COACH

Let The Studying BEGIN – WORST LIFE COACH

I just signed up to take my Coaching Certificate Exam. This basically means if I pass this exam I get a certificate that says I’m a bada$$ boss mothaf***ing life coach. It will be great for business. I’ve never been a great test taker but I won’t say I’m a bad one. So tonight marks the first night that I am officially starting to study for my test. I’mma kill this thing. I just have to actually study instead of play video games.

-WORST LIFE COACH

I Might Be Gay For Pay – WORST LIFE COACH

Um so, this is a bit of an awkward confession. I have a client who is gay. I’m totally cool with that. Money from gay people spends like anyone else. But, I found myself in the restroom PEEING in a urinal and my client walks up and starts peeing in the urinal next to me. I don’t have my own bathroom because my coaching office is in a public building. Anyway, so he starts talking to me mid-stream saying how happy he is to be working with me. I can tell in my peripheral vision that as he is talking to my p*nis. What the f**k? I play it cool, engage in the small talk, zip the f**k up and walk out. The next time I see him I don’t say anything about it. He still sees me every week and pays me well. The truth is, I don’t totally mind as long as I get paid. What does that say about me?

-WORST LIFE COACH

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