25 Things I Learned About Turning 25 – WORST LIFE COACH

First of all, I’m not 25. I’m not even 27. I am not telling my real age because I don’t know you like that. I came across this blog post by a Dr. on WordPress who did a post called “33 Things I Learned About Turning 33.” He said it was basically a free flow of whatever came out. He said some really positive $hit. Like… unconditional positive regard is a great thing to have if you can achieve it or something. He also said some things like, “Living an honest and ethical life is much better than living a dishonest and egotistical life. Well f***. I’m doing this wrong then. He also said that it’s better to try not to control what you can’t change. It was some good $hit that he said if I’m honest. So, I thought I would give it a go.

Ok so this is just a free flow of a birthday that I had last month about turning 25 (again I’m not 25). I’m curious if I will be able to say some positive and inspiring $hit like that guy did. Ok here goes.

  1. Well shit, I feel like I pulled my back. Am I getting old? What the f*ck. I think I learned I’m getting old.
  2. G*d d*mn I learned that I make really stupid choices like trying to list 25 f***ing things that I learned in my life.
  3. I learned that people are gullible as f*** and moving to an area where people have more money than sense is great for my bank account.
  4. I learned that I still get bored and distracted and will take 15 minutes before answering the next question.
  5. I learned that I don’t have much patience for this.
  6. I learned that this was a really bad f***ing idea.
  7. I learned that making people cry during a coaching session basically makes someone my b**** for life because they trusted my creepy a$$.
  8. I learned that the best way to con someone is to lie to them while also telling them the truth.
  9. I learned that I’m a mof***in con artist and I love it.
  10. I learned to keep my a$$ anonymous because otherwise I’m f****ed brother.
  11. I learned that people love the truth in private but pretend the truth is offensive if in public just to fit in. Pu$$y a$$holes.
  12. I learned that if you email Amazon to tell them your order is defective and it costs less than $50 they will send you a free replacement and then you get two for your purchase. Don’t try it for something that costs $100. They’ll make you send your item back and it’s a pain in the a$$ because that $hit still worked.
  13. I learned that the coolest thing in the world is to have a girlfriend who only works for you. It’s awesome.
  14. I learned that what my girlfriend needs most is quality time with me and anything you can buy from Amazon.
  15. I learned to never play rock, paper, scissors with my girlfriend because I always lose.
  16. I learned not to get pi$$ed off at myself for always forgetting something when I leave the house. That’s just how I roll.
  17. OH! I learned that I like video games again. I started playing again! I haven’t played in years but I gifted myself a PS4 and have been running that b*tch. Love it.
  18. I learned that telling my coaching clients that I am super busy makes them want to work with me more.
  19. I learned that I still have a hard time finishing things I start.
  20. F*** this.

-WORST LIFE COACH

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