Studying, Living, And Back To Work – WORST LIFE COACH

I’ve been studying really hard for my coaching certification exam. I am already a life coach but this specific certificate will set me above the rest. I study super late, usually between 12am and 3am. My girlfriend has to go to bed my herself until after my exam. Poor thing. I am super tired and it’s 12 minutes until 3am. I’m going to start getting ready for bed. Life has been good. I need to be less f***ing moody. I think it’s been tough because ever since I started studying it has taken a good amount of my attention. Me and my girlfriend aren’t used to me having something ELSE to do. I have enough things that keep me busy normally. I’m back to my coaching office tomorrow. It’s a lighter week which is great because it will give me time to study. And, a lighter week is still 20 coaching clients. I’m happy with it. Let the conistry continue.

-WORST LIFE COACH

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Whiney F***ING OLD LADIES ON WORDPRESS – WORST LIFE COACH

Yo. I started actually looking at other people’s blogs here on WordPress. I have to say, it looks like the average WordPress blogger is some old f***ing lady who’s all about writing about her woes. Stop complaining you f****ing hags. It’s like you’re doing it for attention. I get it, you’re lonely and will probably die soon. And, your family has probably died already or your kids and grandkids want nothing to do with you because your a f***ing negative c*nt. But holy f*** why you gotta spread that negative bull $hit everywhere? Keep it to yo-self.

-WORST LIFE COACH

Her Sister Died And I Felt Nothing – WORST LIFE COACH

Hi. I wasn’t going to write tonight because I am tired AF (using that millennial slang). AF = AS F*** for you oldies who are reading. First off… it’s not that common that one of my coaching clients will be so emotional. I am always telling them that this isn’t therapy where you “process” $hit… this is coaching where I kick your a$$ into being awesome… also known as – that place where I take your money while convincing you that you will achieve more than you actually will or where I tell you that you’re better than you actually are. It’s all a con anyway… but isn’t everything? So there she is… balling her eyes out in front of me about how her sister suddenly died and I am sitting across from her thinking about when the best time will be to release the burp that I am holding in. In that moment I reflected on my life… I want to say I had a profound reflective moment. I started thinking deeply as she was crying… I was thinking about myself… mainly because it’s mostly about me… or always about me if you ask my girlfriend. As soon as she threw her face into her hands and sobbed profusely I let out that burp I was holding in as stealthily as possible. I got away with it. But then… I wondered again to myself … shouldn’t I be feeling something for her? Nah, I told myself. Just get paid, said the voice in my head.

-WORST LIFE COACH

You Know You’re Yelling At Me Right? – WORST LIFE COACH

Ok, Hi. I have this one coaching client who talks to me … ok wait, this will sound weird… she talks to me as if she is talking to someone else. What I mean is… for example, say she is telling me a story about what she said to her grandma but she will actually say it to me as if I am her grandma. OK…. HERE IS THE TWIST. She will say the words she is THINKING in her head, not the actual words she says in real life. Does that even make sense? Basically, she will sit there and say this to me as if I am her grandma… “WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU??? HOW THE H*LL AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHERE YOUR F***ING JACKET IS!?!??”

Ok… pause for a minute. Imagine sitting through a whole hour of her basically talking sh*t to me but doing it in a way that tells me the story of her experience with the people in her life. WHAT THE F***. WHO TALKS LIKE THAT? I finish the coaching session feeling like I just got my a$$ kicked. “WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU!? DON’T YOU KNOW HOW TO F***ING DRIVE MOTHERF***ER!!!?!?”… “THAT’S WHAT I WANT TO SAY TO MY DAD,” she says.

Jeezus.

-WORST LIFE COACH

25 Things I Learned About Turning 25 – WORST LIFE COACH

First of all, I’m not 25. I’m not even 27. I am not telling my real age because I don’t know you like that. I came across this blog post by a Dr. on WordPress who did a post called “33 Things I Learned About Turning 33.” He said it was basically a free flow of whatever came out. He said some really positive $hit. Like… unconditional positive regard is a great thing to have if you can achieve it or something. He also said some things like, “Living an honest and ethical life is much better than living a dishonest and egotistical life. Well f***. I’m doing this wrong then. He also said that it’s better to try not to control what you can’t change. It was some good $hit that he said if I’m honest. So, I thought I would give it a go.

Ok so this is just a free flow of a birthday that I had last month about turning 25 (again I’m not 25). I’m curious if I will be able to say some positive and inspiring $hit like that guy did. Ok here goes.

  1. Well shit, I feel like I pulled my back. Am I getting old? What the f*ck. I think I learned I’m getting old.
  2. G*d d*mn I learned that I make really stupid choices like trying to list 25 f***ing things that I learned in my life.
  3. I learned that people are gullible as f*** and moving to an area where people have more money than sense is great for my bank account.
  4. I learned that I still get bored and distracted and will take 15 minutes before answering the next question.
  5. I learned that I don’t have much patience for this.
  6. I learned that this was a really bad f***ing idea.
  7. I learned that making people cry during a coaching session basically makes someone my b**** for life because they trusted my creepy a$$.
  8. I learned that the best way to con someone is to lie to them while also telling them the truth.
  9. I learned that I’m a mof***in con artist and I love it.
  10. I learned to keep my a$$ anonymous because otherwise I’m f****ed brother.
  11. I learned that people love the truth in private but pretend the truth is offensive if in public just to fit in. Pu$$y a$$holes.
  12. I learned that if you email Amazon to tell them your order is defective and it costs less than $50 they will send you a free replacement and then you get two for your purchase. Don’t try it for something that costs $100. They’ll make you send your item back and it’s a pain in the a$$ because that $hit still worked.
  13. I learned that the coolest thing in the world is to have a girlfriend who only works for you. It’s awesome.
  14. I learned that what my girlfriend needs most is quality time with me and anything you can buy from Amazon.
  15. I learned to never play rock, paper, scissors with my girlfriend because I always lose.
  16. I learned not to get pi$$ed off at myself for always forgetting something when I leave the house. That’s just how I roll.
  17. OH! I learned that I like video games again. I started playing again! I haven’t played in years but I gifted myself a PS4 and have been running that b*tch. Love it.
  18. I learned that telling my coaching clients that I am super busy makes them want to work with me more.
  19. I learned that I still have a hard time finishing things I start.
  20. F*** this.

-WORST LIFE COACH

How Do I Tell My Coaching Client She’s Ugly? – WORST LIFE COACH

Bruh… welcome back. Today I sat in a coaching session in front of my client who told me she wasn’t sure what to do about her insecurities. She feels insecure about her looks but between you and me… she’s really f***ing ugly. I literally didn’t know what to say. Do I lie to her? Do I tell her that her insecurities about her looks aren’t true? I literally couldn’t. I spaced out. I froze. I ducked, dodged and weaved around the subject. The whole time I was thinking… dang lady… you ugly… like, you’re so ugly. I know, I’m an a$$hole. But I swear if you saw her you would agree. I think I told her some bs about how she shouldn’t feel insecure and that it’s just her perception. I told her that her insecurities are not based on reality but the fault of social media. When in doubt… blame Instagram. She rebooked so it’s still a win.

-WORST LIFE COACH

I’m About to Go Beast Mode – WORST LIFE COACH

Sup. So tomorrow I start my week. I have more sessions than I want to admit and will make more money than my girlfriend says I should say on here. But that’s not what this post is about. This post is about how I always feel this urge coming on before coaching days. It’s like… I get PSYCHED. I feel like I can fly… not really but kind of. I know that I am part of something special. I am part of the biggest con in my life to date. I have run some cons in the past. My girlfriend and I call it “conistry.” You heard the word here first folks. Conistry (coined on 1/23/2019) is the act and art of being a grifter or conman. Here are the stakes – do or say whatever I need to say in order for my coaching clients to come back next week. It’s that simple. That means being able to bend the truth when necessary. I have told coaching clients that I rose from the ashes… from nothing to greatness, while telling other coaching clients that my family is independently wealthy and I do coaching for fun. (I have done coaching sessions in languages that I don’t even speak even though I said I did. Look for that post somewhere on my blog. It’s a good one.) Why do I do this you ask? Because that’s what they wanted to hear. So, that’s what I gave them. I know there are those of you who will say, “But, you must be helping them.” Bless your soul. You are correct. I am indeed helping them. I am a natural. That’s why I can spend my time being “Worst Life Coach” on here. Because I don’t give a f***. And even though there is good that is happening with my coaching clients, that’s not how I play the game. Maybe playing the game like this is the reason why it works. All I know is that when the sun comes up tomorrow I am going to be the biggest, baddest, most boldest life coaching mothaf****er on the planet. And then, I will come home and play video games.

-WORST LIFE COACH

Should I Lower My Fee For My Coaching Client? – WORST LIFE COACH

I have a client who I was working with for a few months. She got to the point where she flat out couldn’t afford me. I don’t blame her. My coaching fee is a bit high because the demand is high. And, I don’t like to work much so if I’m going to work then I’m going to make it worth it. Anyway, several weeks ago she had to stop working with me. For the past few days I have been thinking about this client. I don’t think she’s better off out there against the world by herself. I know this isn’t really for me to decide. I guess a part of me feels like a parent to my coaching clients. I guess a part of me actually cares about my coaching clients. Surprise surprise… hmm. Usually I write about how it’s just the money that I do it for. Sometimes I think it’s more than that. Anyway, I’ve been thinking about reducing her fee by like… I’m terrible at math but I think it’s 35%. Let me check my calculator… $hit… I don’t even know math well enough to know wtf to put in the calculator to figure it out. Anyway… The pros of lessening her fee is that I still get paid something versus nothing if she doesn’t come at all. Another pro is that she is really easy to work with. Low drama. The only con is that I’m discounting my time. I don’t know what I’ll do. I need to consult with my girlfriend about it. Either way, if I offer her a reduced rate there is no guarantee that she can afford it or would want to do it anyway.

***UPDATE BELOW***

Yeah, so I asked my girlfriend. She said no way. She said, “It makes you look desperate,” “Your not f***ing desperate,” and… “She’s not special… BIZNATCH.” My girlfriend is so honest. So that’s not happening.

-WORST LIFE COACH

I Appreciate My Secret Readers

Let’s face it… my content might be a bit… much. Not so bad, but you know… not so politically correct at times. I also probably come across crazy at times too. I’m ok with it. I’m not the only one. I just want you to know that I do appreciate the secret views. I don’t care much about stats but I do see them. I see a lot of views and not so much interaction. That’s cool. I wouldn’t “like” what I write either. But, I would probably sneak in a few reads from some wacky a$$ unstable life coach. Just like you’re doing right now. For those of you who do like or comment on my content, give yourselves a hand. You really don’t give a f**** about what people think. You’re not afraid to be seen with me. Well done. You are winning at life. I mean it.

-WORST LIFE COACH

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