Stop Asking For Money Online, YOU’RE SO EMBARASSING -WORST LIFE COACH

You are so embarrassing. If you are standing on a street corner asking for money then I understand. But dude, you have a laptop AND the internet. You have resorted to ASKING FOR MONEY in exchange for you continuing to write about crap that nobody cares about? You’re joking. No, you’re not and that’s much worse. I saw a blog where some guy was asking for money to help him fix his teeth. What about, use the internet to help you get a job. Or maybe be creative and try starting an online business. Do what all the rest of the losers are doing and try starting a coaching business online. Remember, I don’t get or want clients from WordPress. All you coaches out there who are trying to market yourself as a Life Coach on WordPress… you are lost. You will not get clients here. Besides, why would anyone want to work with you because you are on WordPress and you say you are a Life Coach? Back to my point, Some of you are so embarrassing.

Again, I want to reiterate my point. You are asking AKA begging for money online but you have a computer and the internet. You literally have the ability to FIGURE SOMETHING ELSE OUT. The guy on the street corner DOESN’T HAVE THAT. Wow, sorry… It’s just so shocking that some of you are that lazy or clueless. The sad part, because of course there is a sad part, is that no matter how much success you have asking aka begging for money online, you will never make the kind of money that working would make you. So you are literally lowering the ceiling above your head as how far you can go in this life. Well, I guess the point is that there have to be people out there like you. I haven’t figured out why yet so I’ll have to get back to you on that. Truth is, eventually, you will give up. Even if it takes you 10 years to figure it out. Eventually, you’ll stop the madness and realize that asking for money online won’t lead you to “The Good Life.”

-WORST LIFE COACH

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My Girlfriend Makes Me Crazy -WORST LIFE COACH

My girlfriend bugs the sh*t out of me but I love her more than I love myself. Here’s what bugs me the most lately. She often will start conversations with me from the other room. For example, she will start talking to me about who knows what… and I will have to yell to her and say… “HONEY! I CAN’T HEAR YOU!” She does this so often that I finally had to set a new rule in the house. The new rule is that she isn’t allowed to do that sh*t anymore because it makes me crazy.

I’ve had somewhat of a writer’s block since that one lady came by and attacked me for what I write about. I’ve gotten some pretty nice feedback from others on here basically reinforcing the idea of “F*** that lady.” I’ve written a few posts that I haven’t published mainly because they were a bit offensive more so than the norm. My girlfriend thinks that writing on here is healthy for me. I think it is too but I don’t like to force what I write about. I have a steady weeks of clients this week so I’m sure I will have something to write about. For now, this is all I have.

-WORST LIFE COACH

The Plumber PT 2 – #WORST LIFE COACH

The Plumber, My Autism, and Life in General #WORST LIFE COACH

I took a little break from writing. I needed some space. If you read my previous post about the plumber who fixed something and then that something broke in about a week after my 30 day warranty was up, well… he’s coming back today (supposedly). He ducked and dodged me for two weeks after he told me that he we would honor the warranty even though it was expired. I didn’t even ask him to honor it. He offered. And then started avoiding me that motherf******. I finally had enough. Well, my girlfriend did and then I did. We finally YELPED HIS A$$. He wouldn’t respond to my texts AND he had read receipts on so I knew that sob was reading what I wrote.

And then, we YELPED him and basically said that this mofo said he would honor something and is now ducking me. I also wrote that I wasn’t sure how the YELP review would end and that I would come back to update it. He literally texted me back within a few minutes of me posting my YELP. No one likes to be called out but this guy really is an a$$hole. Anyway, he’s supposed to come here today at 2pm. He just texted and said he was really sorry but he would be about 30 minutes late. It isn’t looking good for the update I might do on YELP. I swear, I am not one of those people who like to leave bad reviews. This guy deserves what he gets.

Today I woke up really autistic. I’m still working through it.

-WORST LIFE COACH

My PLUMBER Might Get F***ED UP -WORST LIFE COACH

A month ago I had a plumber come by to fix a leaky faucet in my bathtub. I put off having this repaired because of my self-diagnosed autism. I got into the habit of filling a bucket from the dripping water and then dumping it out on the lawn. My self-diagnosed autism even spilled out onto my girlfriend. She got into the habit of doing the same thing. This went on for about 5 months. Seriously. Then finally, we both had enough and I found a plumber on Yelp who would fix it for $95. He came, fixed it and left. He was a nice guy. I even gave him a Gatorade. When he left, he told me I had a 30 day warranty. I was so happy that he was able to fix it that I didn’t think much of it. I figured it wouldn’t be a problem.

Well, yesterday it started leaking again m****rf*****r. So my girlfriend and I thought of 100 different ways of how we were going to f*** him up on Yelp if he didn’t come back and fix it for free. I’ll say it this way… we got a bit GANGSTER. Even though we are out of the warranty period by about 2 weeks… we figured that we had him by the b*lls because he’s on Yelp. Yelp is the WORST idea for business owners. You can get messed up by some crazy lunatic such as myself. So after texting him, he replied right away. It’s the weekend so I was fine being patient. But man, I was definitely thinking about him a lot. It pretty much consumed my thinking and my girlfriend’s too. We were ready for a fight.

He texted back tonight and said that he would honor the warranty even though I was over the warranty by about two weeks. I feel better. It will really depend on what he tells me when he gets here. I still might f*** him up on Yelp. If he comes here and tells me that something else is really wrong and will cost me hundreds to fix… he’s f***ed. If he comes and says it was a faulty washer and that it can be fixed easily… he will be spared. The choice is yours m****rf*****r.

-WORST LIFE COACH

Oh Man John, What Happened To You? -WORST LIFE COACH

I saw John today on my walk. I don’t know that his name is really John. But for this post, let’s call him John. You see, John was always a smart and good looking fellow. In college he was the most popular in his group of friends. John was always a bit shy around girls though. So when he met his future wife he was sprung right away. He had met… the one. John hadn’t really lived much when he met his wife. He had visited other countries only once or twice. I believe he visited Mexico once and Canada maybe twice. None of this mattered to him at the time. He was ready to give up everything to be with his love. They got married and John settled into a nice 9-5 job that paid him well. His wife ended up taking a high paying corporate job which eventually led to John quitting his desk job. This is what John’s life looks like now. To some people this photograph could look like heaven. To me… it looks like a death sentence to my manhood. Fight the good fight John. It’s never too late to fake your own death and start over somewhere overseas.

-WORST LIFE COACH

My Girlfriend Isn’t Happy With Me -WORST LIFE COACH

It’s ok. She just needs some space from me. I can get super negative sometimes. I ALMOST have a hold of my anger but not entirely. Sometimes I get snappy and it hurts her feelings. I try to be as tender with her as I can because she means the world to me. Sometimes I’m not so tender. I guess we are all just trying to figure things out. If I am honest, she is what keeps me together with pretty much everything. My work ethic is poor but I am really good with people apparently. Sometimes I wonder why my clients come back to see me but my girlfriend reminds me to shut the f*** up and don’t jinx it. She’s probably right.

My girlfriend is a big believer in energy. If you give off the right energy then good things will come to you. I never really believed that stuff until I met her. She pretty much flipped my world upside down and turned me into this winner dude. It’s weird to say that because I am NOT a winner dude. I just play the part based on the “image” that she created for me as a Life Coach. I guess life comes down to how you market yourself. Anyway, the point of what I am saying is that at my core I am actually lazy AF. I go back and forth between thinking I am awesome and then hating and wanting to destroy myself. Maybe that’s a bit dramatic but it feels like that sometimes.

My girlfriend just needs a break from my energy. I am a lot to deal with. I can be needy, negative and unhappy. What a bad mix! But, other days I can have great energy. She’s not with me because of my dark side. That’s a side of me I sure wish I could get rid of. I’ve been trying to listen to upbeat sort of Hawaiian style music. It kind of works. Holy f****. I have 9 clients tomorrow. I guess I better do as my girlfriend says and snap the f*** out of it. I am going to try but no promises.

-WORST LIFE COACH

I Know Why I Had Writer’s Block -WORST LIFE COACH

I tried to blame it on that lady who left the rude comment. That wasn’t why. I wrote some posts on here and got some pretty cool feedback. It seems that some of you enjoy my perspective on how I approach my life. That’s cool and I do appreciate that. At the same time when I started this blog it was supposed to be a place for me to explore the good and the bad of my life. What it turned into was me sharing funny and awkward experiences that happen to me in life. There’s always something in that department to share but it’s again, not why I am here.

Right now in my life I am angry. I am angry because someone very close to me is ill with something that they may not recover from. I am angry because I have never experienced anything like this before. I am angry because for the first time in my life I am having to come to terms with the fact that I, and everyone that I love and even hate… are all going to die. It’s f***ed up. I am realizing now more than ever in my life that life is fleeting. And, the truth is… I don’t know what to do about it.

Here’s what I have been doing. I’ve been distracting myself a lot. I have been avoiding things a lot. My girlfriend points it out to me and it’s just hard to hear. I end up disconnecting and not even knowing that I am disconnecting. It’s awful. On top of that I have a whole group of people who come to me to talk about what they are going through in their own life and as their coach, I am supposed to have answers.

I guess it’s just a lot right now. The main thing that needs to happen today is that I remember that this blog was never meant to be a place where I grow a brand. F*** that. I don’t need it. This is my space to write and express whatever it is that I am going through in order to help myself make sense out of it. There, that’s it.

-WORST LIFE COACH

TOO MANY LIFE COACHES ON WORDPRESS -WORST LIFE COACH

Finally my week is over. I worked with 32 clients this week. Holy $hit. I’m so tired. I had a blast and made some good cashola. I keep coming across people on WordPress who are advertising life coaching services. I mentioned this in a different post but I feel like talking about it again. The reality is that these people who are trying to start life coaching businesses on WordPress will not succeed. I would bet my house on it. Here’s why. All of them look like losers. To be a successful Life Coach you have to be a winner. You have to have a certain look. You have to know certain people.

You have to have a lot of luck. And lastly, you have to be a CON ARTIST… a good one. I look through these blogs written by Life Coaches and I can tell right away… these are nice people. Nice people can’t help you. They don’t know how to break the rules and get ahead in the creepiest ways. They only know how to play by the rules. I never play by the rules. I teach my clients how to NOT play by the rules and that is how they get ahead.

Anyway, these life coaches on WordPress will slowly dwindle away because they will not succeed on here. But, let’s watch them try. Let’s watch them spend their precious time trying to convince you that they can TRANSFORM your life. Really? But you have 25 followers on WordPress and even worse… you’re trying to get clients on f***ing WordPress.

-WORST LIFE COACH

I Really Don’t Care About Your F***ing Cat.  -WORST LIFE COACH

Can I tell you what one of my biggest pet peeves in my job is? It’s when I am doing a Skype coaching session and my client wants to show me their cat or dog. WTF? This is the most awkward thing in the world to me. I have to literally pretend like I give a sh*t about your f***ing pet. Lady, you are already having to pay me to give a sh*t about you. Why would I give a sh*t about your cat? And then, the worst part is that I have to make these sounds like… “awwww… how cute.” And then follow that up with some bullsh*t lie like… “You’re really mediocre colored looking cat that you got for free from a shelter is so freakin adorable.” I die inside a little bit each time this happens to me.

For some reason people don’t ever do this with their children during their coaching sessions. Thank GAWD. I would just hang up.

-WORST LIFE COACH

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